Random LuLu-Poems

To save a zombie

Lazy zombie surveys the night,
With what will he whet his appetite?
Drunken bumbles or cooly aloof?
Familiar stumbles or something new?
Aren't you bored of avoiding the truth?
Maybe you need to adjust your view?
You know it takes courage to do it right
but that's no reason to hide from the light.
Always searching for kicks outside
when really the answer is inside.
The zombie needs to fix his heart
But he's looking to find it in one big part
and keep it beating with compulsive eating.
But if he keeps feeding he'll always be needing
Oh poor zombie if only you knew
to become human is easy to do.
Avoid everything that hurts in excess
and enjoy each day much more, I guess
Co-dependency can't be sustained
Relying entirely will leave you both drained
Unless you are whole you have nothing to give
So the question is - how do you want to live?

Rain

It took 6 years to meet again,
But hands weren’t held, nor was there rain.
You were you and I was me
Not much had changed that I could see.

But as we chatted over tea
It’s clear we’ve grown, respectively.
Life has knocked us, gauged our grit,
And humbled us with every hit.

It smoothed the rock and tend’rised you,
While I was stripped and pulv’rised too.
I lost my cloak of false ideal,
Then faced myself so I could heal.

We learnt to stay afloat as one
But when we sank, we were undone
Parting ways to ride the tide
Yet each began to grow inside.

We said we were too young to know:
I’m sorry if I caused sorrow,
Lost my faith and made us sad.
Too late I realised what we had

I see it swimming in your eyes:
Our understanding never dies
Love and virtue you have sought
A girl with both you now have caught.

Perhaps it did rain after all?
It washed us clean of angst and gall.
So for our truce I thought I’d make,
One last poem for old times sake.

29th December 2007

Random Tuesday

Sometimes the urge to write is like a build up of air under my ribs: I feel like I can't breathe The more it swells the more it interferes with the stuff I should be doing. It starts to fizz out and I get tingly and edgy. I have a strange relationship with it. I don't want to acknoweldge it; I don't want to increase it's power. Sometimes the explosion when I let it all out ricochets through my life, the ripples undermining everything I've carefuly and painstakingly created. Sometimes the release creates a peaceful aura around everything I see; the world falls into place and I am a harmonious piece of the puzzle. You can't predict it.

But at the time it feels great- that release.

For a while at least I can be happy. But it doesn't take long before I look back on it, criticise, don't see the point. How can a process be so kathartic and yet result, if revisited, in reopening old wounds and unmeshing the healing process? I can't see what there is to gain. The more I do it, the more frustrating it is. Playing with it and not committing to it, is that unhealthy? Is it all or nothing? Should I make that choice? Is the fear of falling short all that stands in the way? The fear of disillusionment? When the veil falls away, the dream stands naked, and is it really what I wanted all along? Do I waste time avoiding the denoument or pursuing it, only to look back on the waste and wonder why? Is it something I have to travel through in order just to know, in order to make it to the other side, to the next stage. What if there isn't another stage? What if that's all I have to offer the world? And it was never enough?

At the end of the day, I am the only judge. I cannot burn my memories, nor detach my shadows like Peter Pan. I can't remain in Never Never Land, with castles in the sky and rose tinted glasses. But I refuse to be ruled by the ticking clock and fear. If I believe I can fly, then surely just that brief moment is all that matters? Never look back, just keep going.

Clarity

Deep in my castle a dark presence lurks

Cloaked as a friend I don’t see his goal

He tracks down the light and feeds as he works

To sate his need to fill the void in his soul.

.

The windows darken and I can no longer see

The shadows lengthen as he draws me, slowly, in:

.

Oh how sweetly he laps at my bountiful well

Such heady distraction to channel my fire

Ensnared in his thrall, I could give it all to him.

.

And yet I sense the looming jaws of hell

For there is a poison in my desire

To dim myself and fill him to the brim.

.

Too late for the kiss of dawn on my eyes

I’m already consumed and no longer of use

He flees from my castle under rosy skies

And I’m left alone too weak from abuse.

.

Golden rays warm the ash in my heart

Cascading from heaven to play their part

Sunlight is free- no need to ration

It kindles hope with a tender passion.

.

At first a spark and then a glow

I’m a phoenix reborn from the flames below

Such joy as the force of life returns!

Nourished by the sun that eternally burns!

.

I stretch my crimson wings for flight

As sunset lends an eerie red light

She hopes I’ll better tend to my fire

And resist the dark call of a lonely vampire.

LB 29 March 2007

Perhaps One Day

Perhaps one day,
When the wind blows our way,
And the stars shine bright
Through the inky night,
We will meet again
And stand in the rain
Eye to eye and hand in hand
Dreaming of yester-land.
We'll remember the times
When to scribble these rhymes
Was idle pleasure perhaps...
Yes, Fate sketches maps
Interweaving our lives
And constantly strives
To dismiss the darknesses
With sweet kindnesses
forever engraved
In hearts that braved
The night with a candle
And held onto the handle
Of that closing door.
But you never saw.
And still I hear the rain pour
As I thank you for
The times we've had
Please dont be sad
Life's sweet sorrows
Have their tomorrows
So we'll go our own way
And perhaps one day...

29.04.1997

Mutually Exclusive?

I miss you. Like the ocean dreams of the sky
my world kaleidascopes around you - but why?
My skin - unzipped - cries for yours - full lipped
to close round mine - a body kiss - but I am ripped.

How could you be so far away?
What is it that happened in a day?
Your look, like a shaft in my gut
The silence - a tampered cut.

Only now, my passion measured
A dripping tap to stem the pressured tide
Stolen sighs in moments pleasured
Does your casual mask, something deeper hide?

With battered heart and paper skin
You wouldn't let me in.

Room

What did I do, that makes me feel sad?
What has happened to make me silently mad?
No answering echo fills the room
Sharp and white as a fitting tomb
The window- a mirror,the door - concealed.
My nakedness is perhaps a shield
No, the words I use simply disguise
pain in a metaphor which tries
to chart the unreasonable desert
to guide the lost away from the dirt
to an oasis of understanding

If only I could drink there.

I scratch 'water' in the sand with my finger
It's time to move on and gather my wits
Stop looking for answers in plains and pits
There are more dimensions than those I see
Since Time and Love colour my room to be.

Language

Her body, a comma on the bed,
A natural pause in a frantic phrase,
Writhing to a full stop, the size of a head.
Thus leaving the sentence
Open and Raw
Bleeding and Needing
Denied by her own punctuation she saw
Sense spew out of the window
She lost the other half of her Meaning.
Quick order regroup rewind mind screaming
White light, source of life
inspiration, creation
conquered, abused
by red rivers of destruction.

Atomic vowels and consonants
Alive in cacophony
Fusing, reproducing - I sense an Order
Creating words as flesh and bones with a border
Defining a body thus demanding
Arteries of logic and veins of understanding
Organs gather words in a chord
Swelling to a glorious harmony
A Human orchestra of meaning
Ideas in expression no use on their own
Seek a partner in whom their seeds may be sown.
Open the gateways, fuse the skin
Thus let a greater language in
Widen Horizons, deepen the eyes
Body reads Body, let Love arise
Word without Body, Body without Word
Neither are possible, both are absurd.

Thus when misunderstanding overcomes
Bodies de-fuse and her womb shuns
the words it uses- sickened by its abuses
She sees the darkened stain of pain
Knife across his shocked terrain
Yet two bodies must not despair
since united insight, love and care
Can reconcile our divided world,
Kiss a cut, see a comma uncurled.

22.09.1998

Fountain

Where did all the words go?
Has my fountain been sucked dry?
Or merely stopped mid-flow?
And if so - why?

When emotion welled up
So much it needed to express,
break its banks and sup
On poetry - no less.

Ideas and thoughts crowd in fast
Demanding beauty for their shape
Beyond the mind they desire to last.
Ignoring this - is rape.

Not guilty am I of this crime
So has my source been ripped away?
Am I thus fated to forever mime?
Unable to rhyme - Discord. Death.

No. I rhyme out of time.
For I've suffered a grievous loss
Of wonder at the world and I'm
thus bereft of words -

A last attempt to work out why?
Does it set my fountain free?
Deceived or discovered - I still fly
For isn't this poetry?

Random Thursday

Just a quick random post while I waste time waiting for work colleagues to get their arses into gear for lunch. Not in the best of moods, and realise that the scariest thing about this weblog is that I'm v tempted to treat this as a diary while forgetting that anyone can read this. Hmmmmm. Just delved into my new zealand journal and now feel v nostalgic. Thats the fukker with diaries I guess. Its a beautiful day and its a sin to be indoors. If we could do without sleep we could work the night, and have fun during the day. The only way to avoid work is if you decide to do without material possessions and there wouldn't be any need for security to protect them (financially or physically). If there wasn't any media, we wouldn't have terrorism, and there wouldn't be a need for corrupt politics. But hey, here i am enjoying the fruits of media technology. I sometimes think, that this whole world is just a wierd experiment, with the creators having such a larf at our expense! Its all one huge paradox.